I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
