You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
