if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
