Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
