I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
