Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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