There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
