I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
