I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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