he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
