it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
