i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
