it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
this just has baby written all over it
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
