Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
