we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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