so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
God I need to hump something, right now.
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