i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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