I didn't shave. On purpose
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
