i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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