the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
