I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
