He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
