Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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