i barfeds in our rink
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
