why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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