OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
