im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
