since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
