listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
