the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
