He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
