I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
