He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
