I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
