So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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