Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
