Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
