I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
