areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
