then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
