She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
