dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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