I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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