U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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