Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
