I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
