I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
