He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
