Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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