I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
