..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
