I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
