i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
